Lauren Young Durbin Interview Transcript
Nancy Rush:
Welcome Lauren! I'm super excited to have you here. Let me introduce you. Lauren is a career clarity coach dedicated to helping women get unstuck in their careers. She works with mid-career women collaborating to find lucrative, fulfilling, and meaningful careers that help them realize their full potential. When you work with Lauren, you'll have a partner and advocate and an exhilarating career transformation journey that's fun. One that will leave you feeling more confident and equipped for success than ever. She provides the support, accountability, and action steps that you need to pursue the career of your dreams.
I just have to say, like I mentioned to you earlier, I love this because I think it's such a big deal to transition into either something completely different or even step into entrepreneurship. I think what you're offering is so awesome. So, I love this first question that we talked a little bit about, which is really treating yourself as a strategic priority in your business. I think most people do the complete opposite. Tell me a little bit more about that and why it's important.
Lauren Young Durbin:
I think when people hear self-care, they think, oh, bubble baths, and I'll do self-care when I have time. I admit, I fell into that trap more than once, and occasionally I have to catch myself from falling into it again. But what flipped that mindset for me was starting to think of myself as a strategic priority. What that really means is treating yourself as a priority and investment in your business. Making sure your wellbeing, your personal development, and your energy, all of that is aligned with both your personal values and your business goals. Too often we think we have to sacrifice ourselves, our time, our energy, our stamina, so we can make the business a success. But the reality is, your business cannot be a success if you are drained and you're not taking care of yourself. It's impossible for most entrepreneurs to be able to have a successful business if they aren't taking care of themselves. So, I flipped that switch, or my business coach, she flipped the switch for me when we started. Instead of thinking about self-care, change the mentality to a strategic priority.
Nancy Rush:
I love that. I like the reframing of it because I think there's a lot of bias around the concept of self-care. The fact is that if you're making yourself a strategic priority, you are just as important as the business. And I know that in my experience with the business clients that I have, a lot of times they come to me, and they have lost the joy. They've lost the vision for the business because they've been grinding away. They're constantly stuck in, what's not working? What else do I need to do? And I get it because when I stepped into my entrepreneurial journey, I worked really, really hard. I worked long hours, and I definitely ground away at it, but there comes a point when you don't want the business to become a burden. And I think that's exactly what happens when people don't prioritize themselves. I imagine you see this too all the time.
Lauren Young Durbin:
I do. It is the same as well, we're talking in the context of a business, but it's really the same as your personal life too. If you are prioritizing everything else before yourself, you have nothing to give. And, and that old saying, you can't pour from an empty cup. It's true. Both in personal and in the business life.
Nancy Rush:
Right. But you know this one well with twin boys. <Laugh>.
Lauren Young Durbin:
Yes. <Laugh>, yes.
Nancy Rush:
What specific habits or practices could you recommend for people to really ensure that their wellbeing aligns with themselves, but also with their business?
Lauren Young Durbin:
I think it's important to set clear priorities between your personal life and your work/business life, because it's so easy for them to meld into each other. You become your business, your business becomes you. But the reality is you should separate the two as much as possible. I'm fortunate enough to have a separate office where I can go in and when I'm in my office, that's work time. When I am outside of the office, that's personal. Mommy, wife, daughter time. It helps flip that switch in your mind too. Like, okay. If you don't have a separate space, even a corner of a table can work. When you sit down at that table for these hours, this is when you work on your business.
It's important to have those clear boundaries. Because it is so easy for those boundaries to get fuzzy and overlap. The other thing is taking care of yourself mentally, spiritually, physically, because part of treating yourself well is making sure you're eating right. Taking breaks, which is hard. It's very hard for me. I'm not the greatest at relaxing, but I make it a priority. Meditating. There’s a lot of things people think about for self-care, but it's different for everybody. For me, I'm a big reader, that’s how I was able to start. I'm like, okay, I get to read two pages of a book, <laugh>. That gave me a small break. And then three pages went to a chapter. So you don't have to start really big.
You start with something small. Maybe it's just walking around your block, getting out, getting some sunshine, reading, whatever your hobby is. Just try to make time for that every day. Try to make time to do something that's fun and interesting and fulfilling for you. And you might think it's a waste of time. You're like, but I have all these other things. I have these projects, blah, blah, blah. If you're not rested, if you aren't able to focus on it, then it's not going to work. So, really taking time to do something that fills your cup, if you will.
I'm also big on delegating. I call it the 3D process. Either I'll Delete it, which means no one does it, it doesn't have to be done. Because sometimes we think we have to do something, we don't really have to. The second level is Delegate. Is there something that you personally don't have to do but needs to be done? Delegate that if possible. If you can get a virtual assistant at home, or get delivery, or someone to help with things. And the last one is To Do, that's when there's something that you only you personally can do. Like, I'm the only person who can do this interview, for instance, <laugh>. But I have someone who helps me get everything set up because I just don't have the bandwidth to do that. So, those are a couple of tips to help people get thinking.
Nancy Rush:
Those are great. I really love what you talked about in terms of really separating, compartmentalizing. When you're at work, you're at work. And when you're at home, you're at home. I know that was a game changer for me when I actually stopped answering my phone after five o'clock in the evening or early evening. And I set a couple of days, like Sundays and Mondays are days that I don't interact with clients. And Sunday is absolutely my day off. I don't even think about work. And that was a real game changer, creating that space. And then this thing that you're talking about, about the delegating, that was another big game changer for me too. I think as business owners and entrepreneurs we get into this mindset that we have to do it all. And then, you're constantly on the hamster wheel. But having even a virtual assistant for 5 or 10 hours a week can be a massive game changer. Makes all the difference. I'm curious though, when we get into this way of prioritizing ourselves, how does that influence us in the business, and the decisions that we make?
Lauren Young Durbin:
It makes things so much clearer. When you first get in there, if you're not prioritizing yourself within your life, within your business, everything's scattershot. It's just a bunch of post it notes, and all those tabs open on your computers where it says yes. But when you start setting priorities with yourself at the top list, because everything kind of revolves around you, really. When you put yourself at the top, you start prioritizing and you get clear on what needs to be done. You make better decisions because you're rested. You're feeling well, you feel healthy, your mind is clear, you make better decisions. You're able to reason okay, is this a good opportunity or not for me? You can think long term instead of just jumping in every opportunity because you're like, I don't know, this seems like a good thing. So, that's a really big part of it. It gives you the mental space to be able to make clearer and better decisions. And we all can use this <laugh>.
Nancy Rush:
I think this is a great point because it's so easy to get caught up in rushing around trying to get everything done. And you're right, you don't have total clarity in those moments. You're busy doing, but you're not actually tuning into your intuition or having the mental clarity to be like, does this make sense? Rather than being in default mode. It's really great. Of course, there's the flip side, which means that we can commit to prioritizing ourselves and we could do a fantastic job and then we're going to fall asleep and we're going to not prioritize ourselves. So, tell me a little bit about that experience that you've had around that personally. Because I think this really informs the beautiful work that you do with your clients.
Lauren Young Durbin:
As I mentioned earlier, I'm not great at just relaxing <laugh>. I tend to have a lot of things on my plate just naturally with two boys and all that stuff, this business. It happened probably a couple of times this year because I was like, okay, these are my goals for my business. There are big goals. I have to go all out. I have to put all this into it. But I wasn't taking the time to properly take care of myself. I wasn't taking time at the end of the day after the boys were in bed to unwind and wind down for the day, I was on my computer writing blogs or communicating with clients on LinkedIn. I never turned it off.
And slowly but surely, my battery started to run lower and lower and lower. It got to the point where I couldn't make decisions because I was so tired. I was so worn out. I would take a nap. And that wasn't enough. Because like I said, my batteries were drained. I had to reschedule a lot of things. I had to block the time off because I just mentally and physically could not do it. And then I realized there was a pattern. I need to start thinking about making myself a strategic priority and viewing myself as an investment. Which is another way for me to ask myself, if this is an investment, how would I treat this? Once I made a conscious decision to make myself a strategic priority, it became very easy to make decisions of, okay, do I need to answer this email now or can I wait till the morning?
And I use that time to rest so when I get to it tomorrow, I can do it with a clearer mind. Probably would be a better response. So, that's what happened to me. And I've seen that happen with a lot of clients. Like you said, we're so busy doing, doing, doing, and we don't realize that we are just worn out until it's too late. So, that's why it's important to make it a regular part of your day and something that's in your schedule, just like any other appointment. Even if you just have me time, which also gets a bad rep, but you need that time.
Nancy Rush:
You do. And that last little point that you made about blocking it off on your calendar, that is the only way I can do things. And it's interesting, it's like a psychological game that I play with myself, I block it off on my calendar and then I remind myself that I am committed. That time is just as important as doing this interview or working with a client. Every time I open the calendar up, it reminds me, so it's like I can't really set it aside and get really busy and forget about it. I was just confronted with this yesterday. There's stuff happening with my dad that I'm dealing with, so I ended up not being able to do the me time yesterday because I was focused on that. And then at the end of the day, I'm like, wait a minute, I haven't done any me time. So, I made myself sit for an hour and do something for me, for no other purpose. And the relief that came from it was really amazing. It was just like, oh, I can set it all down. I could leave it all for the moment. I don't have to worry about it. And then I can pick it up in the morning, which is exactly what I did. So, I think that's really great advice. I'm curious to know what your viewpoint is on really cultivating joy in life, but real joy in the business, which I think kind of goes hand in hand for me in terms of this prioritizing yourself.
Lauren Young Durbin:
I think the first step is recognizing what is joyful for you. Because particularly as we get older and we have more responsibilities, we forget that childish glee we used to have, or like when I'd see my boys and I give them a math card and he's so excited. And we have to remind ourselves, well, what lit me up? What lights me up? What makes me just smile when I think about it? And when you have that memory, because you do have muscle memory for most people it helps you regain that joy. And when you have that joy, it makes everything so much easier, and you can roll with the punches a lot better. Because you aren't stuck in this dismal swamp. It's actually a real place here in Virginia <laugh>. You're not stuck in that slump of everything's weighing down on me. You remember, oh, I loved it when I talked to clients because I can see them growing. I really like getting out this blog because it helps people. I got an email today from one of my friends actually, and she had sent out these interview job hunting affirmations. She has sent it out to other people who are looking for jobs. And she was like, I have this next to my computer and I say it to them every day. And that touched my heart because it reminded me of what I do makes a difference. Even if I don't see it, it makes a difference. And that is joyful to me. To be able to help be of service. So yes, you can use joy to keep you going, to keep you motivated and to remind you of what matters.
Nancy Rush:
I think for me too, what's important about this is the more joy that I cultivate for myself, it has that ripple effect. It affects my clients; it affects my loved ones. It affects my horse; it affects everybody in my life. And I can definitely tell the difference when I am not feeling joyful. I'm feeling bogged down with all the responsibilities or a really heavy schedule. And it's definitely not fun. I would rather show up for this interview and have fun talking to you about all of this cool stuff. That and being in service is so rewarding as long as I make sure I prioritize myself. Because there are a lot of people out there that want to be in service, but they're not putting themselves first. They're putting the clients or someone else, and they are not setting good boundaries around when it's appropriate to say no to something.
Lauren Young Durbin:
And that breeds resentment, which is not joyful.
Nancy Rush:
Right, <laugh>. So, do you have any more tips or tricks for entrepreneurs, who are trying to get their business up off the ground. They're struggling with this idea of trying to make themselves a strategic priority in the business. Because back to muscle memory, we can commit, but it's very easy to fall into old behaviors.
Lauren Young Durbin:
Yes. I would say be flexible and adaptable. I was just thinking about the example you gave; you had things you had to do for your dad. Sometimes if you're an entrepreneur, things are going to happen that you weren't expecting to happen. And you have to learn to roll with the punches. And again, that goes back to when you are rested. When you are, you feel together because you've taken care of yourself, you're able to do that because you've built that internal resilience. I would say recognize that even though you make yourself a strategic priority, depending on what's going on, those priorities may shift temporarily. But remember to come back to it like you did. I'm going to take an hour and do what I want to do for fun. But also, you can start by recognizing that you are the foundation of your business and that there's a connection between you and your business. Just like if you don't take care and pay attention to your accounting books, they're going to be a mess. It's going to take a lot of time and money to sort things out. It's the same with you. If you don't take the time now, you're going to pay for it later, both in your business and in your personal life. So yeah, recognize that you're the foundation of your business and you are also a leader. Whether you have people working, you're a solopreneur or not, people are looking at you and you're inspiring people and so they see you having a balanced life. They're like, oh, okay, that's possible. If you have people working for you, I always aspire to be the kind of boss that I wanted.
When you take care of yourself and you make yourself a strategic priority, just like you invest in your employees, you invest in your personal development, your professional development. That's a model for other people whether they work for you or they don't. And I think sometimes we forget that people are watching in a good way, and they're being aspired, but most people don't come and say, you inspire me. We're not NBA players or anything. So, that would be your first step, recognizing that you're the foundation, you're the key asset for your business, and if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of your business.
Nancy Rush:
I had a situation with a team member during our last summit. We had some technical difficulties, so she was putting in some extra hours to kind of work her way through it. I didn't know how much time and effort she was putting into it. And when I found out, I said, this is not sustainable. This is not what we embody within the company <laugh>. So, we had to have a really direct conversation about how can I support you so that you're not just working all these crazy hours? Because that's not energetically aligned with what we represent.
The other thing I wanted to add to what you said is that I also see with my clients that they'll set that goal. They'll want to prioritize themselves and then they'll forget, or they'll get distracted or onto something else, and then they go into judgment about it. The fact that they let themselves down, they didn't prioritize themselves. And then that starts a whole spin cycle. So, I always like to say to my clients, think about this as course correcting. I got off course and now I'm just going to bring myself back and recommit. And it's the same thing over and over again. It's just recommitting and recommitting. Do you see that too?
Lauren Young Durbin:
Yes. I see that because I do that <laugh>. I have to ask myself at the end of the day when I start beating myself up, I asked myself, did I do the best that I could do under the circumstances today? And the answer is, yeah. I mean, things happen, like Scarlet used to say, tomorrow's another day, I'll try again.
Nancy Rush:
I really love that because it's so important to acknowledge that we're just doing the best we can do in any given moment. And that kindness towards yourself is so important. I think people are really, really hard on themselves and they set these really high expectations and then they just start berating themselves for not getting as much done today, or I got distracted with my dad. I do it too. And I'm constantly course correcting and once in a while tip into judgment about it and then I go, that's not actually going to help me. So, I come back to center.
Lauren Young Durbin:
That's a great way to think about this course correct. If you're going on a trip, you're on a journey and you're driving and you took a wrong turn, you don't just get out like, oh, well guess I'm not going to go to that party. I took a left when I should have taken a Right. You get back in and figure out what would happen and then you of course correct. You get back on the right path. And that's just really what this whole entrepreneurial life journey is about, is just trying to do the best that you can of what you have in that moment. Your best on Monday may not be the best on Tuesday. Accept that and extend yourself the same grace you extend to others that you care about.
Nancy Rush:
That's so awesome. This was fantastic. Thank you for sharing all of this great stuff and these tips for everybody. I know they're going to enjoy it. I'd like to give you a couple of minutes to talk about your free gift. Because I'm curious about it. I think it looks really interesting.
Lauren Young Durbin:
My free gift is a checklist because I'm a list maker. I love lists <laugh>. So, this strategic priority checklist is basically to give people practical tips of here's how you figure out if you're actually making yourself a strategic priority, what can you do? Are you doing these things? Because it's possible you're doing things and you're not thinking about it. But with this checklist, it gives you something concrete to refer to and be able to say, oh yeah, I'm on course. Or I need to work on this more. I need to work on making sure I spend time reading, knitting, I don't know, watching Bob's burgers, whatever your thinking is <laugh>. Figuring out what it is that you need to do to recharge yourself. So, that's what the checklist is for, it is also a space for people to write out, I need to work on this, and this is what I'm going to do to work on that. So, it's also interactive. It isn't just a list of things. It's meant to actually be used.
Nancy Rush:
It sounds really great, and I love that you're attacking it from all angles, and then providing this information in a way that somebody really can evaluate. It's easy to say that you prioritize yourself, but do you really? Well, that's awesome. My free gift is I'm going to be teaching a three-day masterclass on the ancient art of the 9-Star Ki, which I don't know if you've ever heard about it, but it's an incredibly powerful yet simple system that helps us understand our own inner blueprint. So, speaking through what you've been talking about, one of the things that it reveals is how you're wired and what your patterns might be, what your default behaviors might be, so you have a greater understanding of yourself. It also brings this beautiful illumination of understanding other people in a very different lens. Because when you get to understand what the 9-Star Ki is all about, it illuminates other people's patterns and highlights how you interact with each other and gives you tools to interact with people in a more empathic, compassionate way. I love the 9-Star Ki. I learned it many, many years ago and it's become an integral part of my life. So, I'm super excited to share this introduction to it. And then of course, because it's me teaching it, we'll have laser coaching and some intuitive insights along the way. I think it's going to be fun. Everybody that I introduced to it said this is the coolest thing ever. I'm like, I know <laugh>.
Well, Lauren, this has been fantastic. Thank you so much. I appreciate you and I loved having you here.
